The Wrong Handshakes

In today’s corporate as well as cultural scenarios, maintaining certain accepted etiquettes are important. Etiquette can be defined as the forms, manners and ceremonies established by convention as acceptable or required in social relations, in a profession or in official life. Etiquette gets formed right from the word go and the initial handshake to the sustenance of perceptions over time. Technically, a handshake is known as a short ritual in which two people grasp one of each other’s opposite hands, in most cases accompanied by a brief up and down movement of the grasped hands.

As per a display in the Pergamon Museum, Berlin and other places, right from the 5th century BC times of ancient Greece, shaking hands while meeting has been a tradition between two soldiers and represented a truce where neither side wielded a weapon. The handshake slowly moved into the western culture and into the area of corporate etiquette. It is important for one to know how to successfully wield the customary handshake in a corporate scenario. Thus it is important to also know how not to give the ‘wrong’ handshake!

A handshake can reflect and let the other person perceive a lot about your personality. There are so many wrong ways to give a handshake. Some of them are as follows:
The Dead Fish: Patricia Rossi, the author of ‘Everyday Etiquette Made Easy’, calls this “The worst handshake in the world,”. This is when the hand is floppy and flimsy and project insecurity and non-commitment.
The Politician: This is when one shakes with the right hand and cover the shaking hands with their left hand. According to author Matthew Rothenberg, this feels too personal and too early in the relationship.
The Wrestler: This is so vigorous a handshake that can almost rip the other person’s arm out. It may convey that one is too eager and pushy
The Queen or The Fingertip: This is when one extends just their fingertips to another person. It conveys the feeling that the individual does not want to touch the other person.
I’m stronger than you are: This is crushing the bones in the other person’s hand so much just like trying to wring all the juice from a lemon. It makes it look like one needs to prove themselves.
The Oww!: This depicts an overeager person who may catch the other person so much by surprise on the handshake, that it becomes awkward for the other person.
Oh ok, I’ll just pretend to care about meeting you: This handshake can be very limp and apathetic and very awkward for the other person, and gives the impression that one is disinterested
We’re now bonded together for eternity: This is when a handshake does not end and just feels like eternity. This happens when people are a little too happy to greet you or who are extremely nervous and forget to let go. You do a few hand pumps…and then some more…and some more…and finally, hopefully, your hand is let go!
Aha! Am sure you didn’t see that one coming: This happens when the individual does something different, mostly out of nervousness. For instance, this can be when one is putting the left hand out for a handshake when everyone usually uses their right hand. This can lead to fumbling and even embarrassing situations. In these scenarios, it is a good idea to follow the crowd and use the right hand.
A good proper hand shake is called a ‘winning handshake’. It consists of a firm but not bone crushing grip and lasts about 3 seconds while maintaining good eye contact. The person has to be approximately 3 feet away. The hand has to be angled towards the chest with thumb pointing upwards. The other person’s hand can be ‘pumped’ once or twice from the elbow and then released, even if the introduction of the person continues.

Learn to meet, greet, part, offer congratulations, express gratitude, or complete an agreement well. Master the ‘right’ handshake!
You have the power!

Published in ‘The Hans India’ on 11 Aug 2011

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Performance Coaching – The STAR Way

From the era of Ramayana and the Mahabharata in the times of Rama, Krishna, and Drone, performance coaching is an age old tradition in India. In today’s modern world of Shiba Maggon and Gary Kistern still follows the very same principles of the yester years coaching.

In the corporate scenario today, coaching works wonders in helping individual performers and teams achieve excellent results by introspecting within and working together. This not only contributes to the entire persona of the individual, but also and helps organizations move towards sustainable growth.

Coaching as a practice is not about telling one what to do. It is more about understanding the situation by asking questions and aiding the individual to arrive at the right solutions.

Corporate executive coaching requires working with an individual on a particular goal or result area in their professional development. It is usually a creative and thought provoking process by which the coach enables the coachee to think and maximize his/her potential and performance in the goal or result area under consideration. The various goal of coaching can be in areas of career management, performance enhancement, managing personal, professional and organizational changes, enhancing problem solving and creativity, effective conflict resolution, amongst many others.

A trained professional uses many techniques and methods of coaching, one of them also being the STAR model i.e. (a) Situation (b) Task (c) Action and (d) Result model.

The STAR (Situation, Task, Action, Result) format, an avid interviewer’s powerful tool can also be used as a coaching technique that can be used by executive coaches to help individual and teams enhance performance and productivity in specific areas or situations.
The STAR model can be used when the coach needs to help the coachee to re-visit an experience, learn from the same, and implement in the future.

For example, when there are conflicts occurring in a team, or certain organizational changes like mergers etc, this model works effectively. This is construed by making the coach and the coachee/team to sit together, explore the various facets and avenues of the existing situation through a series of questions, thus gather all the relevant information and there after arrive at a most applicable and sustainable possible solution.

• Situation: Take an example of a situation that can either work as a positive situation or a challenge. Explain and elaborate the situation with all specific details of all the tasks and individuals involved in the situation. Example: the recent disagreement of the employee and their supervisor over a client presentation.

• Task: The various tasks that led to this situation and can lead away from the situation are explored. By asking the appropriate questions such as: Why has this situation occurred in the first place? What has the individual done so as to be in this circumstance? What learning can we take away from the present situation, for the future? What can be done to arrive at a solution in this present scenario? Various options of possible further steps are enlisted.

• Action: What did you do? The earlier actions are re-visited, examined, and evaluated. The coach helps the coachee to identify the aspects in self that created the current situation, understand why it happened, and analyze on what action can be taken to (a) overcome the challenge now, as well as (b) learn to avoid repeating similar scenarios in the future. The various alternative action plans are drawn up and evaluated.

• Results: How was the current situation the outcome of the individual’s past actions? How did the past actions work against the objective the individual had? Once the individual is aware and has eliminated these same aspects in the current possibilities of action, further exploration into the possible outcomes or results of the action to be taken are analyzed. What will be the outcome of the current set of actions? What can the individual achieve through these actions to meet his/her objectives. How can the individual implement the learning from this experience?

The important aspect for a coach to remember while using the STAR model is the ability to ask the right questions and wait patiently for the coachee to explore the situation for possible answers. As a coach, one must always note to remember Winston Churchill saying “Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught.” Helping one learn themselves from their experience is the core of any coaching process.

Follow the STAR process, and coach away!
You have the power!

Published in ‘The Hans India’ newspaper on 4th Aug 2011

Meta Mind Elements of Excellence…

A professional today has to breathe and live his/her dream 24×7, and have the ability to put up with tremendous stress… which does not come easy

As we venture into our journeys, armed with our passion, knowledge and skills, there is a comprehensive list of 54 elements of Meta Mind Management™, a researched one stop technique and framework that helps us increase our speed, target the right audience, and achieve results, to practice and use to achieve the same…

Meta Mind Management™ is a behavioral science that provides a model, framework, methodology and philosophy for personal and professional excellence using international concepts for managing mindsets and sharpening skill sets, to achieve success and happiness.

To simplify this, 🙂 over our research of successful and high achievers, amongst others, in this world, it has been found that, there are certain common factors amongst them. They share certain –

1. Values – These are our desired results, and motivators – What we value, aspire for and are precious to us in life. These are our goals. Research provides 9 values that peak performers share to achieve success in life. These include goals like peace of mind, financial freedom, health, relationships, professional goals amongst others.

2. Beliefs – These are feelings of certainty. Based on experiences, we develop belief systems that determine what we do and what we don’t in life. Research provides 9 beliefs that peak performers share to achieve success in life. These include believing in oneself, in hard work, in being in charge of one’s life amongst others.

3. Attitudes – These are our thought patterns & perspectives. This has also to do with the fact that we get what we expect from life, and how we look at life. Research provides 9 attitudes that peak performers share to achieve success in life. These include an attitude of learning, positivity, humility, and gratitude amongst others.

4. Skills – These are our abilities exhibited as behaviors. This is about knowing how to do anything and to practice and perfect that. Ultimately, al skills narrow down to communication at different levels. Research provides 9 skills that peak performers share to achieve success in life. These include communication, creativity, goal setting, assertiveness, and leadership amongst others

5. Qualities – These are our habits which over a period of time, become attributes. Actions when repeated over a period of time become habits; and habits which when become ingrained in ones personality becomes one’s attributes which are exhibited or described as qualities. This is when others define us by these qualities, for example – that we are disciplined. Research provides 9 qualities that peak performers share to achieve success in life. These include discipline, passion, confidence, responsibility, and empathy amongst others

6. Knowledge – This is to have awareness of the laws of excellence in this world. Knowing the laws of human behavior, which are as true as the law of gravity  and science, gives us insights that can help us to create change. Research provides 9 laws of human behaviors that peak performers accept and work with to achieve success in life. These include the law of control, of change, of focus, and of honesty, amongst others.

Revathi Turaga
+91-92915-39560

The Concept of Forgiveness

Let me ask you this question – Should we easily forgive those who have caused us grief and anguish??????

Would you have been honestly able to say yes???

There is a well known story about how a kindergarten teacher helped the children learn the importance of letting go of hatred and to forgive. She gave each child the number of potatoes as the number of children they hate, and asked them to walk around with these in their bag for a week. By the end of the week, the potatoes rot and the children with more number of them start complaining. The teacher then explains that this is what happens when we carry negative feelings or hatred against others and that it will only harm us so we might as well let it go by forgiving.

A very profound concept to which one response from anyone could be that his/her experiences have shown that hating the other person helps him/her to raise and succeed more in life and so s/he would not believe in just forgiving. Seems logical enough and there may be many others who may feel so too… so, does this story reveals a practicable moral? Here are a few thoughts that I penned down as I mulled over this…

This discussion reminds me of the popular statement that most behavioural trainers rely on, “different things work with different people. Pick what works for you and use that.” Not always true. There are always principles and laws in this world that when practiced the way they are professed, will definitely help an individual succeed. Problem is, we do not always follow them as professed, but do so as we like… coz of which the outcome is not the same as it is supposed to be.

The same is true in the case of forgiving also. We so easily say “forgive and move on – that is the way to success” that we do not ask the one important question – “how? How does forgiving and letting go of hatred help clear up the path to success? How should I work on forgiving such that it will clear that path?” Even in today’s age of techniques and concepts such as NLP’s modelling and Meta Mind Management, we do not ask the vital “”why?”

Many people also say – “I am not like the Mahatma. I will not show my other cheek if one is slapped. In today’s world I will do what it takes for me to go forward and those who purposefully come in my way with negative intentions towards me are wrong and I do not need to forgive them.”

Very true, you do not need to… In the article, potatoes are taken as an analogy for hatred. Let us think about this for a minute: it is true that potatoes over a period of time do get rotten! However, it is but human to usually carry these potatoes (feelings) with us for some time. What is important is what do we do with these potatoes for the time that we carry them (while they are not yet affecting us)? Do we achieve what we have to and then get rid of them before they become a problem for us? Or do we just let them be and let them rot and keep holding onto them until they become unbearable (in life this can be stress and frustration caused by our feelings).

Meta Mind Management in forgiveness happens when we accept the negative feelings that arise in us (instead of trying to be saintly – of course, assuming we encounter these once in a while as humans), and know what to do with them such that they help us towards our goals, and then discard them aside before they start to harm us…

Also see http://content.msn.co.in/MSNContribute/Story.aspx?PageID=2819edc7-9825-44f2-b677-862c22bf8eff

Revathi Turaga
International Meta Mind Management and Certified Edward de Bono trainer
http://www.revathionline.com

Plan your evening… using Six Thinking Hats

What do I get her? Where do I take her? Will she enjoy the movies? What cuisine would be her favourite choice for the day? Should I get her flowers or a brooch or buy her jewellery?

Uff!! The umpteen thoughts that go behind planning this your evening out with your loved one! Some of us finally go with our intuition, and if we’re lucky, the evening is fantastic… and for those of us inexplicably in love, it is a breeze…
Still, for those of us who’re unsure, or yet battling out choices, here’s a method that can help… taking into consideration logic and emotions – Edward de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats! It is a simple, effective, globally accepted parallel thinking process that helps us to be more productive, focused, and mindfully involved in making decisions – even in matters of the heart!!

Planning your evening out with your loved one, usually is a swirl of emotions, which may lead to a state of helplessness and confusion. We finally decide and cross our fingers for the best! What are these emotions doing where there ought to be only one. Love…
Now, here’s a real gift… a technique that helps make the best choice within 30 minutes! Just 30 minutes…. All you got to do is to use the Six Hats and follow the steps below:

Blue Hat – 2 minutes
Wear your blue hat for 2 minutes and manage your thought process the next 30 minutes by playing the role of a facilitator. Answer:
Focus: Decide how to make this the most cherished and fantastic evening for us.
Sequence of hats and time for each: Blue (already started – 2 minutes), Red – 30 seconds, White – 4 minutes, Green – 4 minutes, Blue – 2 minutes, Yellow – 4 minutes, Black – 4 minutes, Red – 30 seconds, Blue – 4 minutes
Total time: 25 minutes
Remember, the time you are wearing a hat, stay focused only on the questions under that hat, without wandering off to others!

Imagine! An effective decision on the best way to spend your evening, in the next 23 minutes!!!!

Red Hat – 30 seconds – feelings, emotions and intuitions. Answer:
Is there any place you just know is right?
Is there any gift you just know is right?
No reasons, no logic, no explanation as to why – just note it down. Nothing on the top of your head – don’t worry – leave blank.

White Hat – 4 minutes – data and information. Answer these (no speculation – based on past experiences, or ask her or her friends and relatives you know):
her likes? – in clothes (western/Indian/etc), in cuisines (Mexican/Indian/Italian/Mediterranean/etc.), in gifts (jewellery/clothes/perfume/etc), and flowers and card?
her dislikes? – what should you be sure to avoid in the above?
Where did you go out the last 3 to 5 times to eat – how did she react to the place?
What were the last 3 to 5 gifts you bought her – how did she react to each of them?
What did she talk about movies – which ones did she like more – romantic/ motivational/ art/ comedy/ action/ etc?
What does she love spending her time doing more – movies, eat out, shopping, time in a park in conversation, party, or a combo?
her favourite colours, flowers, etc?
any other data or information that can be relevant and you know is accurate?
special options open in the city for this week? the latest fashion? What’s happening and what are the “in” parties and places to be in the city?
Pause here and do the research in the city paper and on the net and the bill boards for what’s on.
No evaluation of any data, just make the entire list.

Green Hat – 4 minutes – think of ideas and alternatives. Use the above white hat information and answer:
choices for the evening – movie, dinner, gift, flowers, shopping – or a combination of any of the above
choices for movies – theatre, movie, seats, show?
choices for dinner – restaurant, time, table, book in advance?
choices for gift – from likes and dislikes – gift wrapper colour to the gift – buy with her by taking her shopping or buy earlier – where to buy?
choices for flowers n card – place to buy, when and how to send / give her, mix of flowers for bouquet – you can give her more than just roses!
choices if to go shopping – your budget, which mall(s), shopping for what?
any other ideas you have on how to spend the evening?
Again, no evaluation of any of the above choices, just make the entire list.

Blue Hat – 2 minutes
Consolidate the points from the above green hat ideas and the 1st red hat intuition points to form a cohesive list of activities for the evening.

Yellow Hat – 4 minutes – benefits. For each of the above consolidated points under the blue hat:
Why should we do this that evening?
How will it work out for the good?
How will it help us have a good time?
How will it express my love and affection towards her?
How will it make her and me happy?
Are there any other benefits and plus points in any of the above points?

Black Hat – 4 minutes –weaknesses or the areas of potential problems or points of caution in various ideas. For each of the above consolidated points under the blue hat:
Why may this not work out that evening?
What possible problems we may face if we take up this activity?
What possibilities that something here may be unpleasant for me or for her?
What may cause problems at home, or for work the next day?
What are a few unexpected situations that you may need to be prepared for?
It may be tough to get yourself to look at potential problems in the activities you want to do on this day, still, focus your mind on them, as they are important in a decision making process. Then, since you’ve thought about them already, you’re prepared for them!!

Red Hat – 30 seconds
The Red Hat deals with feelings, emotions and intuitions. For a quick 30 seconds, take a look at all the points you have listed down, and pick the option/options that appeal most to you. Choose the combination from what your intuition says – take minimal time..

Blue Hat – 4 minutes
Wear your blue hat for 4 minutes and manage your thought process by playing the role of a facilitator. Consolidate and answer with a yes or no and if yes, specify:
Flowers and Card:
Gift:
Dinner:
Party:
Shopping:
Movies:
Potential problems to be prepared for that might crop up:

All said and done, spending time with your loved one is only about love and friendship and happiness and enjoyment… So, relax… and have a fantabulous time!!!
The Six Thinking Hats model is also a useful tool for ensuring comprehensive analysis of problems, creating a framework for conversations and preventing conflicts.

Also refer http://content.msn.co.in/MSNContribute/Story.aspx?PageID=e28cf452-09be-4dd5-a6c0-c998d81bf851

Revathi Turaga
Certified Edward de Bono trainer and Meta Mind Management trainer
http://www.revathionline.com

Attitude of Positivity…

You always have a choice, even if it is only a choice of your attitude – Lucy MaDonald

The inner voice of the human mind… can make anything worse!!! It can take a small problem, muse over it for some time, and make it a bigger problem. It can tell what might go wrong, point all the dark possibilities, and imagine a very bad situation, thus taking a mild annoyance to a major disaster and convince itself that the imagined situation is the real situation. We then struggle to confront a problem that only exists in our mind.à listen to your inner voice à change your inner dialogue à change your attitude à change your actions à change your outcomesJ 

The inner voice of the human mind… can make anything better!!! It can take a huge problem, acknowledge, understand, and assess it, then think and analyze possible solutions. It can look at the chances of overcoming the problem and of generating various alternate options, willing itself to accept the situation, and look beyond the horizon to believe that the situation is resolvable. We then calmly work through the problem towards our objectives.

There are aspects of our life that are beyond our control. When these create problems, i.e. situations that cause us trouble, our energy and peace of mind look for aspects within our control, to be able to stand up and counter the problems. One aspect that we do have within our control is our attitude of positivity!

Observe yourself in situations

Give yourself a serving of positivity every morning…